Seasons in the Sun

My sister, Jeen, bellowed from the back seat, "You've got to turn off the 70s station! Every song is too damn sad!"

I guess I'm so used to tuning sounds out that I wasn't even noticing. I looked in the rear view mirror with a puzzled look on my face.

"Seasons in the Sun? Knocking on Heaven's Door? Alone Again, Naturally? Really? These are not the songs I need to hear the week that my father is dying." 

Yea, that was some sad shit to hear in the car. I pushed the button and turned it off.

My father spent six days in hospice before he died on September 9. By all accounts, that's about three more days than most hospice patients.

Having those last 6 days was a treasure. Even though he wasn't conscious, my mom, two brothers, and sister, along with myself, were all there together. The original six- together to say goodbye. As my sister, Jeen, said, "If Dad was able to talk he would have said, 'this has been great'."

There were ups and downs that last week we all spent together. We collectively grimaced whenever my dad groaned, struggled to breathe, or anxiously gripped his sheets. We laughed together as we recounted memory after memory of life with Dad. I read emails from former colleagues and we beamed with pride for the kind of guy that others knew my dad to be. I can't say it was a great week, but I think my whole family can agree it was just the kind of week he would have wanted.

I said my last goodbye to Dad on Tuesday, two days before he finally let go. The plan was to get back to Virginia to get things for my job in order and return on Thursday.  It was tough to say goodbye and as I bent down to kiss him one last time I tried my best to keep myself from completely losing it. The big tears wouldn't come until I was out of the parking lot and driving around the Baltimore Beltway.

So many memories flooded my mind of the 59 years we had spent as father and daughter. It wasn't an ugly cry, just soft tears rolling down my face and a catch in my throat.

And then the radio started playing Terry Jacks as he sang "Seasons in the Sun." I laughed. Damn, Jeen was right. This is one sad song and really not what I need to hear right now.

I turned down the radio and kept driving, happy to let the memories of Dad keep me company all the way home.